Pirate and the Never-ending quest for a job part 3

So I called immigration as I couldn't make head nor tail of their thoroughly confusing website. You know those sites where you click the link and read then you have to follow another link and it just leads you round in circles back to where you started but without actually ever divulging the information you desperately seek? Yeah, one of those.

So I called for clarification. A nice gentleman answered the phone and I asked him how would one go about applying for a second working holiday Visa? He kindly explained to me that I have to work for a minimum of 88 days in a job that satisfies the selection criteria but is also in an area that satisfies the regional criteria. I can't fruit-pick in an area not on the list and I cannot bar-tend in an area that is acceptable, it has to meet both. He also explained that my honours degree is of no use to me whatsoever. Ah... grand.
OK. So I then go to the page of the website that further explains this using his directions (I would never have found this myself). Have a read at this.

http://www.immi.gov.au/visitors/working-holiday/417/specified-work.htm

I'm a bit horrified. I have no experience whatsoever in any of these fields. Although I am confident I could do any of them - what I lack in physical structure I make up for in abundance with sheer determination. I can do anything I put my mind to if only I get the opportunity. I now have to re-think my entire job-hunting perspective. Whilst the focus up until now has been to supplement my earnings with a romantic idea of a coffee shop it now seems I will have to put myself thoroughly out of my comfort zone . I am no stranger to hard work my only concern is the timescale. I have 6 months left in Oz and I have to do 3 months hard work. OH DEAR LORD I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF DERBY SEASON!!!

Hmm.. how can I work around this. My lovely friend and fellow derby enthusiast Busty suggested fruit picking in the Adelaide hills as it is close to home and would hopefully minimalise impact on derby related activities. I got right on it and found a website - all names have been changed.

*WARNING* the following conversation is of a disturbing nature with creep factor x 10. If you are easily offended/and/or scared skip this bit. My thoughts are in brackets - I did not speak these out loud).
Edgar: Hello, Edgar.
Me: Hi there, I am currently residing in Adelaide and I am looking for some work to count towards extending my Visa application. i see you are advertising fruit-picking jobs and I would like to apply please.
Edgar: What do you look like, height/build/fat/thin?
Me: (eeeerrr... what? I fail to see why this matters but OK I'll roll with it) I'm 5ft 3" and slim.
Edgar: Do you have any experience?
Me: Honestly, no, not fruit-picking but I'm sure I will learn quickly -  I am a very dedicated and hard-worker.
Edgar: OK the pay isnt very good...
Me: I'm not bothered I just want to stay in Australia, I'm happy to volunteer if it means I get a job
Edgar: Do you have a boyfriend? Not that it matters, I was just asking... I mean, why do you want to stay in Australia?
Me: (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK) No I dont and I dont have one back home either I dont have much to go home to and I like it here Ive made lots of friends.
Edgar: OK well send me your resume and if you could send me a pic of yourself that would be helpful.
Me: (For what?! Your selection process? What the fuck does it matter what i look like?) Sure, no problem.
Edgar: I fired a girl recently as she just wasnt up to the job and I've got a couple of german girls working for me just now but they both finish tomorrow. How soon would you want to start?
Me: Oh, as immediately as possible (HOW ABOUT NEVER YOU FUCKING CREEP)
Edgar: Ok email me.
Me: Sure thanks bye.

So. Judging by the questions he asked and I may be way off track here but I reckon his deal is he picks girls he finds attractive and then if you want him to provide evidence to the visa people that you've done your 3 months you have to sleep with him. I could be incredibly wrong but I'm not really willing to pursue this in order to find out. I was considering sending him a pic of a leggy, blonde, tanned beauty to see if he picks me and then if he does turning up all short and pale and tattooed to see what his reaction would be. But I dont actually care that much.

Back to the drawing board. :)