Monday, June 20, 2011

Pirate vs the pick-up truck of the ocean

Yeeeeeeyy so it's finally happening!! March this year my totally awesome little brother Kris hopped on a plane and flew to the other side of the world just to say "Happy birthday Pirate". I don't think anyone would argue with the fact that this is one of the greatest birthday presents in the history of the universe. May arrives and brings with it Kris's brithday. Now, how do I make his just as amazing as he made mine? I can't fly halfway round the world he's already here. OK, think Pirate, we're in Australia, what is there to do in Australia that you can't do at home that would be pure amazing and everyone back home would say "What the fuck, you guys are nuts!"?.  Cage-diving with sharks, ooooh yeah!

I get on it straight away furiously researching the internet for where and how I can make this happen. I stumbled upon Calypso Star Charters website and see that they are offering 1-day tours for $500. PERFECT!! They are, however, fully booked for the next few months and the earliest date I could get was Saturday 18th June. Fuck it let's go! I booked for myself and Kris to go diving and for my flatmate Noony to spectate. Now we play the waiting game.

Details can be found here
http://www.sharkcagediving.com.au/


Friday 17th June

At last the day arrives when we leave for Port Lincoln. We set off about midday for the long drive ahead, stopping off at a friends house to drop off Bronson the muttley dog. As usual he gave us all a heart attack by attempting to jump out the window to savage a guy on a bike (he hates bikes). Panic over we deposit him for his playdate with Sam and woooo we're on our way!

 Kris, most pleased about imminent shark adventures

 Bronson

The journey was not exactly the most scenic of routes - brown ground, some trees, green grass, more trees, couple of buildings, more brown. However, there were plenty of bizarr-o sculptures to look at in various fields along the way including a giant bug wielding a pitchfork and a tin man. Vaguely reminiscent of the Wicker Man. Oooh, and there was a double rainbow.

 Honk honk!!

 I've been playing about with Instagram for Iphone

 I like it :)


Along the way we stopped and made a very quick detour. It had to be done.

(I actually took this pic on the way back)

Having seen the movie we wanted to sneak a quick peek and see if we could see the bank. We drove past and did indeed spy the bank (4 doors down from the police station!!) but I didnt take any pictures. (Not that I didnt want to it just wasn't easy from where I was sitting and Im fairly certain the people of Snowtown are sick of people swinging by and taking pics). My curiosity thus satisfied we continued our journey. For the people back home that haven't heard about this you can read about it here;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowtown_murders

It was about this point in the journey that I realised how much of an idiot I am. It dawned on me that I had forgotten to pack something very important. Can you guess? I had forgotten to pack my bikini. Yes, readers. Cage-diving with great whites. No bikini. No towel either. *Facepalm. Oh well, I'll improvise and possibly steal the hotels towels.

Next stop Whyalla. This is where my flatmate grew up and he pointed out the schools he went to and the houses he lived in along the way. We made a quick stop at the shopping centre and Kris and I grabbed the worst Subway sandwiches I've ever eaten. Seriously, how hard is it to make a fucking sandwich? Anyway, we continued on with the journey. Driving during daylight was alright the view wasn't much to look at but at night all you could see was the road lit up in front of the car. They're not big on streetlights in Australia. It was a bit creepy.

We arrive at the Port Lincoln hotel about 8 in the evening. The hotel was a 4.5 star and our room had a balcony yeeeeaaah! I did not know you could get bunk beds in a hotel. After the obligatory jumping on the furniture and searching for stuff we can thieve we had tea and watched TV. Kris wanted to go to the bar but I told him no chance, not when we're going on a boat the next day. Catch some zeds.

 Jeffrey relaxing after the long drive 

  Bunk beds!

Saturday 18th June

Had to meet the peeps in the hotel lobby at 6.10am for our transfer to the boat. Jeffrey was going off his head at this point I had to put him in his special coat to calm him down. We were the last to arrive, everyone else was already there with cups of tea and the boat was packed. After some quick introductions we quickly settle down for some breakfast. For the first hour we are happily yakking and munching away and then all of a sudden the sea got a bit choppy. I'm sitting reeling from side to side thinking it was great as my tummy flipped over and over - I even threw my hands in the air like a big kid. However, as I turned to face Kris and Noony I realised they were both green looking and very quiet. Both of them had to grab sick bags and head outside to the "sick bay". The whole journey from the harbour to where we were doing the diving took 2 and a half hours. The guys were sick the whole way there. I thought it was hilarious for the first 10 minutes and then I felt really guilty thinking I'd killed them both as the whole trip was my idea. Kris, however is the funniest guy EVER. He was sitting outside next to Noony, both of them with sick bags in hand when he turns to Noony and says "HI I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE AND I'M GONNA BE SICK!!!" and promptly wharfs in his bag. Quality. :)

 Arrival on the boat

As we leave the harbour

Poor poor Kris. We almost ran out of sick bags


So we arrive at our destination and anchor the boat. I head outside and keek over the side . We've been there two minutes and already there are sharks circling the boat. Big fuckers as well!! The Calypso guys give us a chat about how we're gonna do the dive, safety instructions etc and start preparing the cage. They haven't even thrown any chum in the water yet and there's a massive shark hanging around. Glorious! We dive in groups of 4 so the first group gets their wetsuits on while we watch the crew try and bait the sharks. We see them swimming just under the surface and occassionally a fin would appear.

 Safety instructions

 Jeffrey. Blade just out of sight.



 The first group are now all kitted up and ready to rock and roll and they climb into the cage. 45 minutes later they emerge with happy excited looks on their faces. Only one shark to begin with but by the time they got out another had appeared. The second group hop in and we watch. Next up, me and Kris and another 2 guys.

Getting the wetsuit on was difficult as the boat was lurching all over the shop. I managed and then put on the wetsuit bootees. We grabbed goggles from the bucket and the crew fitted us with a weight belt so we didnt float. I got to wear two on account of me being the miniscule variety. Time to get in. This was for me the only worrying/scary part of the whole day. My only concern was that I couldnt walk easily with the weight belts on and the boat was lurching and the captain was holding the cage to the boat with a rope. What if I slipped trying to get into the cage and missed? I'd have to remove 2 weight belts underwater and swim up to be pulled up. All whilst sharks are circling the cage. Terrifying idea. Those sharks are fast! Anyway, clearly I am writing a blog after the event so obviously this did not happen but the thought did cross my mind. The other two guys are already in the tank, I'm up next and then it's Kris.

 Kris putting on his bootees

 Ready to go!!

I manage to clatter into the tank nae bother and the captain hands me my breathing gear. I have never been scuba diving or anything so I've never used this apparatus before. I have booked Kris and I a scuba diving lesson but it keeps getting cancelled due to the weather. I dunk my head under the water and breathe through the mouthpiece but it feels like it's catching in the back of my throat and I'm not getting enough air so I panic and have to come back up. It probably took me a good five minutes to get the hang of it but once I did it was easy. When I first climbed into the tank there were no sharks to be seen. The water was incredibly clear and we could see for miles just blue blue ocean. And if you looked down you could see a big shoal of silvery fish hanging around. I watch and sure enough Kris appears behind me. He had the same initial problem as I did with the breathing malarkey but he got the hang of it quicker than I did.

Sweet now it's time for the pick-up truck of the ocean. If you have ever heard Randall narrate nature vids here's his version of the great white. It's hysterical. And spot on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUZbCu5RgBM
I didn't take my own personal camera with me as I didn't want to drop it or lose it and I had hired the special underwater camera that Calypso had. Also, the cage was actually bumpier than the boat, it rattled you about a fair bit!! We had been told to hook our feet under the floor bar and hold on to the hand rail. I figured I'd probably need a hand free to not die. For ages I fiddled with the camera as it wasn't switched on and I had no idea how to work it as it was covered in about 7 silver buttons that all looked the same. I forgot I was even holding a camera when the first sharks appeared.

I cannot describe what it is like to watch the biggest beast of a killing machine suddenly appear from very far away and advance toward you grinning. It was just like the documentaries, it was just like on TV except I was FACE TO FACE. And he was a big big fucker and covered in battle scars and looked like the embodiment of evil. I wanted him as a pet. I'd call him Stitch-face and feed him roos. Anyways, there were loads of them. We were being circled by at least two with more lurking around and below the boat. The best of it was they kept coming really really close to the cage. They also attacked the cage frequently, munching on the corners and generally showing me what they had for nibbles 5 mins previously. I guess sharks are like mosquitos, they love pirates. Lucky for me I had shark Aeroguard ie a steel fucking cage. We arsed around taking underwater pics of us and the Irish guy took a pic of me and Kris together wearing our scuba gear with a shark in the background. The 45 minutes went by so quickly, way too quickly I could have stayed down there all day gazing at the pickup trucks of the ocean. However, all too soon it was time to get back up to reality.


We surfaced and got changed into our clothes. I had to borrow a towel but luckily the Calypso crew do carry spares in case they have an idiot on board. Unfortunately there was no hot water left for a shower but we were going back to the hotel so I wasnt that bothered. I got dressed and back on deck with my camera ready to snap some more sharks in action.

 Pirate <3s sharks


There were 3 more groups of people that had a shot in the cage and by the time it got to the last peeps the sharks were going nuts and went into some sort of frenzy. I seriously seriously wanted to be in the cage. For anyone who books this make sure you are in the last group of peeps - you will see the most sharks and the biggest sharks and the most frenzied fucked up blood thirsty sharks!


After the cage-diving the crew packed all the gear away, served us lunch and we happily munched all the way back to shore. The return journey was much calmer and the guys were not as sick on the way back, still not 100% but definately less green looking! We were given the opportunity to buy merchandise - t-shirts that said "I dived and survived", mugs, key-rings and stubby holders etc etc while the staff prepared the CDs of pics and the DVD of that days footage. I was impressed by the set-up they had it was like a well-oiled machine. We watched the video of the day - my favourite bit is where they ask Kris if he enjoyed himself and he answers "yeah it was fucking awesome man" to uproarious laughter from everyone on board.

Back on land and the taxi took us back to the hotel where we cleaned up and had dinner in the super swanky restaurant. The end :D

Dinner!! Tuna steak
 View from the balcony of the pool and the harbour

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Pirate and her mental life

So there's a few questions I've been asked a lot recently. From my wonderful friends and family back home "When are you coming home?" and "What are your plans?", from my wonderful Australian friends "How long are you staying for?" and "What are your plans?". I shall endeavour to answer all of these questions in this installment of my blog and in doing so perhaps come up with some sort of concrete plan.

I shall begin with more questions. "Why Australia?" is the one Im asked most often, usually swiftly followed by "Why Adelaide?". There are  a number of reasons I chose Australia but the main one revolves around roller derby. Once there was a lovely lass named BamBam who came to Scotland on a working holiday Visa and skated with the Glasgow roller girls. She made friends with a girl named Pirate and they went to New York together. Then Pirate got a working holiday Visa for Australia and went and stayed with BamBam and skated with her and the Adelaide roller girls. Thats a highly simplistic view of events. There was a lot of things going on in my life at the time of my decision. Bear with me while I squidge 6 months worth of complicated life bullshit into one super exciting explanatory paragraph.

I had split up with my boyfriend of  a year and a half so there was no romance to stay for and any inklings of a possible romance with a person who shall remain anonymous will forever be filed in the "its so complicated it needs a blog of its own" (I did write a blog about this but I took it down out of respect for an ex. One day I will share again). I had just recently lost my job as a lab technician/cancer research assistant due to lack of funding and the idea of job-hunting in my field again even with experience this time round was soul-crushing.  Even my totally awesome flat, my glorious sanctuary where I could hide with my books and Dvds and art supplies was beginning to stress me out; the secure entry wasn't secure, a homeless guy moved into the cupboard at the bottom of the stairs, the junkies on the first floor set the place on fire, nosy fucker Rita next door suffered from some sort of mental disorder and was constantly chapping my door asking me who the man was that chapped my door at 2am (there was no man and even if there was its none of your fuckin business madam) and to top it off there were about 40 members of the same family living in the flat underneath me that kept me awake at night with get-together sing a-longs and up early at weekends for religious ceremonies with additional football related shenanigans. If I could have transported the flat elsewhere or booted everyone else in the close out it would have been perfect. (Not to mention I couldn't afford a two-bed flat in Glasgows Southside by myself and the letting agency wouldnt allow me to choose my own flatmate because they're DICKS) OK, so I was pretty much panicking wondering what the hell I was going to do with my life when a friend of mine (el Bandito) suggested we get working Visas for Australia and fuck off there for a while. Now, Australia doesn't let you into the country on a working holiday Visa after you turn 30. I guess because once you reach that age you start going to Ibiza for your holidays or something I dont know but anyway I was 28 and a half at the time I applied for my Visa. It just seemed that everything in life was pushing me towards Australia and I quickly came to the conclusion that I would be a complete shitebag if I didnt go.

That covers why Australia - No job, no home, no romance, no plans, no kids, nothing keeping me, ticking deadline for Visa. Next question - why Adelaide? I chose to start in Adelaide as I already had a contact in Adelaide and a place to stay. Also, I had a built-in derby connection as I could transfer to ADRD. The plan was always get to Oz, wait for Bandit to arrive, buy van , fuck off and tour Australia Thelma and Louise style minus the ending. So what happened? Well, when I first arrived I was a little out of sorts. I had a lot on my plate and in being a champion robotic coping machine I lost a bit of the spark of who I am. I was tee-total for my first couple of months in Adelaide (I know, right?!) as I had these idiot ideas that I was gonna run off into the sunset with a handsome anonymous (also, teetotal) man and live happily ever after. Turns out he was an asshole but I digress, IT'S COMPLICATED. To cap it all off, I had arrived just in time for "off-season" IE no roller derby for 3 months! Ouch! So I floundered for a few months trying to settle into my own skin again. I remember phoning my bestest mate Laura and greetin telling her I wanted to come home. She told me to hang in there. I also fired Bandit an SOS email and she told me that her mate got homesick around the 3 month mark and to just stick it out a bit longer. I wasnt ready to give up my dream just yet and Im a stubborn fucker - there was no way I was leaving Oz until Id given it my best shot. Lo and behold everything almost magically fell into place when I totally wasnt looking!

 I landed a job at the best rockingest pub in Adelaide!! I started drinking again (what Pirates are best at) and the derby season started, offering me happy fun times and a support network. All of a sudden I felt like me again and I was having the time of my life! After another month of waiting for the Bandit to arrive she emails me the best news ever - she isn't coming to Australia after all she is in fact off to San Diego to work at Sin City Skates and skate with the San Diego Derby Dolls. Fuck me. Bandit you are my hero and I wish you all the best in everything that you do and I cant even be disappointed because I am so fucking excited for you!!!! Anyway, that's enough about Bandit she can write her own blog ;) So where does this leave you Pirate I hear you ask. Well, I thought about it and I thought fuck it Im having a riot I shall go with the flow and see what happens. Adelaide is cool it reminds me of my hometown, the roller derby is awesome and the Fringe festival is about to begin. I have loads of friends and everything is great.

The arrival of the cavalry. I had been emailing my little brother since I left suggesting he come out to Australia for a holiday. He was in a similar situation to me having recently lost his job. I asked that he come out in time for my birthday and he agreed it was a glorious idea. I convinced him to get a one-year working Visa by the sound logic that once he was here, 3 months would go by so quickly and he would be gutted that he had to go home as you cant apply for a Visa once you are already in the country, it has to be before you leave.  Day before my birthday Kris arrives and the rest, as they say, is history. Needless to say that was in March and he is still here having just as much fun as I am.

Now, it is June and my one-year working Visa expires end of September. I don't want to go. I haven't seen much outside of Adelaide and Australia is a BIG place. I do not regret spending all my time in Adelaide as I have found myself (urgh I know bear with me) again. It is exactly where I needed to be and exactly what I had to do to move forward. I have been thinking for some time that I want to I need to I have to stay longer. I really really like it here. So... what are my options? I am currently on a one-year Visa but you can have it extended by another year if you go and do crappy work that no-one else wants to. Perfect, I do the work, apply for Visa 2 and buy myself an extension to come up with a more permanent plan.... I'm not saying I definately want to live in Australia forever but one thing I am sure of is I do not want to return home. (Not yet anyway).

So I abandoned all job-hunting (see previous blogs) in favour of something which satisfies the ridiculously highly specific Visa criteria. Now, you know all those facebook posts about me farming up in the Adelaide hills? Beginning to make sense now? To the peeps back home, I apologise but if I get my way I will not be returning this year. To the peeps in Australia, if I get my way I will be here to go exploring further and hopefully spend another season skating with ADRD. Fingers crossed, I don't ask for much - 2nd year in Australia here I come! (hopefully).